Friday, January 12, 2007

Reminiscing the past

"Life is a very long journey for people to travel alone",that is what my pa always told me.The reason he used to say that was,in order to make me mingle with kids my age.I remember that I was a very closed book.I had no friends in school,in the colony i lived in,anywhere else.The only people with whom I got together with were my cousins.Those were different times.Yup,I was such a kid.

When I was in the higher secondary, i was very small.Literally.The tiniest guy in class.Add a pair of spectacles,and you get the ideal punch bag.I was pushed and shoved around by a lot of people.The teachers did take my side,but that earned me more taunts than rewards.I lacked confidence.I was scared and insecure.As i grew up, i realised i wasn't as tall as other boys in class. I was also a cry baby ( It is kinda difficult putting this on my blog),believe me.Till the age of 16,I never went out with my friends,or anybody for that matter.Horrible days those were.

Then something changed in me as I reached my final school year.Maybe the faith in myself.I don't know honestly.I decided that if i can't have what i want,I'd rather make most of what i have.I analysed myself.I was good at studies,not very good but good enough.My english was above average(for people in small towns ,its an advantage).I decided to make full use of them.I realised there are people in my school who needed help in studies.I took them under my wings ;-). Soon my popularity grew.By the time I left school,people were interested in what i wanted to be.I did not know.I still don't.

In my first year in college I wasn't that well known,though I had friends who were.I tried to show off my prowess but was snubbed.Though I didn't lose hope,I wasn't exactly high either.The second year was worse.I failed.The slide began.

I spent two years out,doing nothing.Yes,I worked for a while,but most of the time was spent pondering why?,how? People sympathised with me and laughed behind my back.I,myself wallowed for some time in the self pity.Then a thought crossed me,why am i worried?I wasn't this bad before,I am still not the worst around,so why worry.I decided to fix things.With a lot of help from people,I did fix things.The next morning had come.

Today as i sit here filling this post,I cant help but think how much i have changed as a person.My schoolmates often do not recognise me,but i do.Of myself,I am proud(vain).I have not accomplished anything,i still don't know what i want to do.yeah,I wanna be a journo,but I got no idea how i am going to do that.Maybe i will be that,or maybe not.But then,I wont stop trying.Maybe i am not the best around,but I am what I am.I write this not as much for you to read,as for me to remember.Today I read Tennyson's poem about "Ulysses",I was inspired to write what I've written. Two stanzas of the poem still strike me in the heart,read on and introspect.

"How dull it is ever to pause,to make an end,
To rust unburnished,not to shine in use
As tho' to breathe were life"

The last one is
"We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven;that which we are,we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate,but strong in will
To strive,to seek,to find,and not to yield."

To strive,to seek,to find,and not to yield.Indeed!


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Roshan said...

Read your post's title. Read it again.

I did not understand poems right from my school days, and never cared to go deep into it. Even now, it remains enciphered, with the brain's decipher key lost! :)