Monday, June 07, 2010

Big Fat Liar : Why i lie...

I’ve been lying since my birth. I don’t know why, but I love it. It’s an art, like acting .You get into a different character and try to replicate the exact situation, and events just like they could probably happen. I hate to brag, but I am so good at this, that I can lie looking into people’s eyes. And what do I tell you about the adrenal rush? It’s like drinking whisky and trying to stand on the ledge of the window. But the simplest thing about lying is that it is not emotional, psychological or social. It’s just plain mathematics. Your capacity to lie is inversely proportional to your character on the consciential scale (sic) while being directly proportional to your character on the social scale. So, the better you lie, the better people believe you; except for the fact that you sometimes have trouble believing yourself. So how do you lie better than before?

1. Start early: Lying at an early age helps you to gauge people’s attitudes and temperament. Very helpful.

2. Lie big: People are more often likely to believe an unbelievable thing than a normal thing.

3. Be careful, but never be afraid: Try to make sure you lie carefully, never leave out anything. Even the minutest details can mess things up badly.

4. Lie good: Strange as it may sound, lie for the right reasons. If you can get away with the truth, speak truth. The lie is a more sacred weapon that has to be used rarely and carefully.

5. Remember your lies: Most important. Never forget them. Even if someone asks you about it a hundred years later,repeat the same story in exact details.. This will make your lies last longer and you will be more truthful than ever ;)

6. When caught, lie better: If you are caught when lying, which you will be, never be afraid to lie again. But lie better and more convincingly.

7. Never lose your cool: As hard as it is, you should never lose your cool when lying. Raising your voice, fidgeting, tip tapping, hum-hawing, or looking away is a strict no-no. Never ever do that if you want to be a good liar.

8. Liar liar pants on fire: Yeah, the saying is true. So think your act through. Don’t rush into the story. Make it up calmly as you go along.

9. Logic: Never lose touch of that. Regardless of how fictitious your account is, never lose that shade of logic. It makes it that much more incredulous.

10. You will be caught: Remember, you still will be caught some day. That’s the catch. It is eventual and inevitable. I am just helping you prolong it. See, I am the good guy.

If you want any further details on the art of lying and cheating, you can contact me by mail. Of course, I also provide help with affairs and scams. These extra deals would cost some nominal profit sharing. I have deals for all scales and kinds of budget, and lies. So you want to be a big, fat liar, you know who to hire!

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