Saturday, October 23, 2010

Sleepy half baked memories

Smile 2Image via Wikipedia

Sometimes in the empty thoughts that crowd my mind, I see familiar faces. Faces that once stood for something. Smiling, laughing, joking, and yet strange in their appearance. I remember them, but I do not know why I remember them. Why do people affect you in so many ways, when you do not even talk to them that long? Yet, there I am, plagued by these bitter sweet memories, trying to remember why I remember them. They are long lost friends. People who did me a favor or two. Dates that I never repeated. Strange encounters on the bus and trains.

Sometimes when I am lonely and lost, when times seem too difficult to make conversations with people around me, I recall them. And usually, they are stuck in that perennially happy moment. And I stand at a corner of this imaginary dream and watch them laughing, joking and smiling. And I like to think they remained like that forever. Nameless, they light up my day without any reason. If you have seen me staring at blank walls and smile, you know what I am talking about. But somehow, that is a moment I remember these characters in. And in that moment when smiles become identifications, I can see my heart lighten up and smile. Some people smoke, some drink, I just lose myself in memories. Cheaper, simpler and well, no side effects.  

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Sick to the Stomach

Stomach diagram in Inkscape.Image via Wikipedia

The veins on my hand stand out. It feels numb, cold and strange. In many ways, it is not my hand at all. Punctured and poked with so many holes, in order to feed my body, it has lost all its strength. My stomach rumbles; craving for some comfort food, and yet all I have by my side is bland porridge and cold milk. The first gulp I take feels like cold metal entering through dead, rusty pipes into an old warehouse. What did they do to me? Did they strip me of all my senses? Can I no longer taste, smell, see like before? My eyes burn like I have never used them before. I try to take a few steady steps before stumbling back. Parched throat and hungry stomach add to the sapping weakness that makes up my singular structure.

Sickness can do so much to a human being. It can rebuild him, change him, or destroy him. Or like in my case, it can chew him up completely and spit him out; leaving the remaining to be sucked out by the merciless world. All I can do is wait!  
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