Friday, July 08, 2011

You live... Still..

It is a familiar face. A known voice. Wandering in the shadows. Till someone someday reminds you of it and its comes up. Rushing upwards like uncontrolled bile crashing against your lungs and choking you. And right then, you might be facing your colleagues cracking the funniest joke of the day. You smile. You smile, because you live. Still.

I have lived with my pains. I have lived with my joys. Many unshared, stored within the private recesses of my heart like the locked notes on my blog. I dig them deep and bury them in spaces where words do not invade memories. And memories do not disturb thoughts. Yet, some part of my heart knows. She is there. A silent word. An unspoken goodbye. The unbroken part of a disintegrating bond. Something pulls me back. And yet I keep piling new memories on top of it. In the hope that someday, it might lose faith in life and die. Within me, buried forever.

But that does not happen. Some day the rains come. Roaring and crashing down on you. The first shower washes away the piled mound and the greens peak put. Again it takes root. Again it takes birth. And the pain shoots. And you smile. You smile, because you live. Still.

Memories are fragments of your life. The essence of your story. No matter where you go, how much distance you put between yourself and them, they will catch up. And again, someday you will find yourself staring into that ever familiar face and wondering if you are not dreaming. You wake up and stare into the wall hoping it would show the way. But it stares back at you. You look into your parents’ worried eyes and smile. You smile, because you live. Still.

You walk out the door. Mingle into the traffic. Drown the noises in the din of the crowd and rattling tin trains. Your inner conversations move into a deeper dimension while you make jokes with friends. Your mind is split between the past, the present and an interminable future which keeps melting into both. The line keeps disappearing and you keep running to stay in the present. Things happen. People walk into the room. People walk out. You smile. You smile, because you live. Still.