Aboulia.....

Past dusty streets and dusty streetlamps

Where bored shopkeepers stare at passersby lustily,

shoving capitalism down their innocent throats

Wrapped in neon lights and shiny tags;

While outside under a red sun

Kids draw eights on little bicycles

Between speeding cars and

An occasional handcart.

 

I wish I could go back there

Playing like I did as a kid

Chasing rubber balls across graveled pavements

Hiding behind paan stained walls

And cursing people for no reason

But I have grown up now;

That’s what they tell me.

And I do what they tell me to do.

 

The market has not yet begun

The shops pause with a hum on their lips,

That would soon turn to cracked cries;

Of prices and haggling customers

Till the darkness overcomes their desires,

And leads them home to troubled sleep.

 

Chocolate éclairs stare at me

From within round jars of plain glass.

Juicy apples in forbidden jars,

I remember the counting and waiting,

Turning over 5o paise coins again and again

Till there were no more chocolates;

And no more coins.

 

Young men wait on railway bridges

In search of that utopian feeling – love:

Something I’ll never know,

Till death itself brings me a peace of that feeling

Where, to attain it is to overcome its desire

But till then smoke rings fill the empty void

That surrounds a heavy air around the bridge.

 

Feet carry on their tiresome job of treading dust

That rise in small puffs and swirl away

Behind the exhausts of big cars

Driven by shoeless vagabonds with puffy red eyes

Till the petrol runs out in the air cooled tanks.

 

Something is bothering me

If I knew what it was it wouldn’t anymore

But the liquid keeps simmering in that deep place

Where feelings are hid like inside a dingy cupboard

Till they burst out like old clothes stinking of sweat

But till then I wait endlessly.

 

Then the sun goes down in a dirty red sky

The vultures come out of the hiding

And men hunt for prey

Behind dark alleys and brightly lit corridors

Where flesh is sold by butchers,

Hung up on hooks, while the wolves

Surround it and howl.

 

Sometimes I wonder if this is all there is..

 

 

 

BIG DEal!!!!!

It has become a major war now. My mom never forgets to wake me up with a grimace. She keeps pointing out that I need to cut my hair. I can see the reason for her contempt when the mirror cannot contain the rebellious strands that rise above my head like a black halo. And I wonder as I shave my face if that patch of skin between my parting line and my forehead isn’t growing larger. And something tells me it is.

 

Throughout the exams I made it a point to ignore facets of my beauteous personality that led to me practically looking like a deranged lunatic high on dope……My mother’s words. Somehow it seems, the women in your life notice everything about you, even though you never do. They look at me and go, “what happened to you??...been through a tough time…ohh, don’t worry so much about the exams; you’ll do fine..”  Ohh,bloody hell!! I thought the world was coming to an end…!!!!

 

What is it with people and appearances. You may say they are deceptive,don’t matter and real beauty is deepr than the skin, but it remains that beauty is skin deep. I have stopped reacting to people’s opinions on myself. It makes me feel like a reclusive artist walking in the midst of lesser mortals. Somewhat like the stray dog on my street who makes it a point to ignore the purebreds that keep barking on him while their owners strain on leashes shouting ‘pappu, down.’  I am free in some way.At least I do not have to conform to people’s orders. I am free…Into the Wild..

 

And once again I look into the mirror and try to settle down those unruly strands of hair.They refuse to go down quietly or stay there. I smile and shout back to my mom, and answer for the sake of all rebels everywhere, “ I am not going to cut my hair!!!”

 

The Refugee

Looking into those black eyes I wondered
If her home would have been a better place.
This was like a home, the only one left.
People spoke her language here,
They spoke of hope, dreams and life
A new beginning in the promised land.
But to her this was still an exile.
It began as a struggle
‘for freedom’ they said,
‘freedom from them’.
She never understood;
This was her country,her land
Why did she need to be free?
‘No one shall treat you differently’
That is what they promised.
And she accepted.
Then it began.
Blood trickled down the rivers
And flowed into the currents
Of a dark ocean.
The skies were filled with smoke
People vanished in explosions of earth and fire.
Till the army came,
In large green trucks carrying guns,
Just like them.
They asked her to leave.
Leave?? Leave her home? Where would she go?
But they made her.
The ocean is now much calmer
Like her heart.
It goes on;
But she isn’t
She stares across the dimensions
To her house that burns,
And wonders
‘Where is freedom?’

What now??

People look at me differently nowadays. I no longer have the choice of being irresponsible.Suddenly, within a month, a really radical month, I’ve been pushed to the doorstep of adulthood with brute force.The time for contemplation is past. It is time to act. Faces, lots of them and an unspoken question hiding behind those sealed lips. Even among friends the silence seems to withhold a certain innate pregnancy. ‘Now what ? What next?” Eyes scour my mind for answers. And the mind….well, that is lost somewhere in the chaos of the search.

What will you do now? How I hate that question is beyond expressive ability. I never have understood mankind’s obsession with action. They struggle all their life ‘to relax’ , in the infinitive, but never quite manage to preserve that piece of empty languor , or enjoy it. Somehow they have to move on, do something. The future waits impatiently to be acted upon,carved and crafted into something beautiful, says my dad. I dread that. I’d rather not do anything.

I have dreams my father sees in his nightmares. He grew up in a middle class family, and in all probability will die in one. The only fear he has is to maintain that same standard till his passing. He kept pushing into me his values,religion and ideals. Unfortunately, I have imbibed from him all else,except that nature that defines the middle class - their dogged laboriousness. And that missed ingredient has produced in a family of rationalists , the lone, singular dreamer.

I had this dream.My most recent eccentricity. I wanted to take off,packing all my life’s belongings ( not much) and travel. Just walk across this planet. I dunno. How hard is it to earn a meal twice a day? There are temples by the dime in India? Surely charity hasn’t been killed by the recession, in all possibility, it might have doubled up.People need goodwill much more than before. I could sleep at railway stations and wash up under community taps. My dad rages and mom cries.We did not educate you to be a beggar, they say. You cannot be serious, you won’t last a day like that.

Maybe I won’t.And I know he is right in believing that I might change my mind. But maybe…just maybe I won’t. I have been so pissed off with the bondages of the human society that solitude seems divine. I’d much rather live with nobody talking to me than with everybody surrounding me, expecting something in return. I didn’t ask my parents to take care of me.I am thankful they did. I owe my life to them. But I also owe my life to myself.I have this responsibility to myself, to stay true to what I believe in,do what I love. It is as they say complicated.The line that separates independence and cruelty is very thin.Almost invisible in the Indian society.

As for the next course of action,it remains to be seen.Like Eliot’s prufrock, I am stuck in the transitional void of conscious choice and action. And ages can pass within a blink between the two. For all I know I could be stuck here for eternity.

Blindness.

Image by fabbriciuse via Flickr

He opens his eye
to see nothing;
No blue sky, no yellow sun.
His days are black
And nights long.
The world melts away
In white blank eyes
Into a sea of darkness
filled with
sounds.Faceless sounds
Of unknown origin,
resonating in that empty void.
Till sound becomes sight;
morphing tones into words
Words into meanings
That swirl around
In the vacant mist of the emptiness
Echoing with absolute silence
And the music of rainbows.

Let me BE !

Why should you teach me

What you know?

Let me learn .

What i do not know.

Let me wander unhindered

through unknown lands

and nameless oceans

Walk with me to the distant port

from where ships depart.

Let me go.

Let me fly past the skies

Blue skies that hide

the stars during the day.

Let me spread my wings and soar

Right up to the sun

Don't tell me about the sun.

Let me feel it.

If I burn, let me.

I want to feel the wind

Free,and Careless

As it blows through empty deserts

and the icy arctic.

I want to taste smell

to smell colour and

see emotions.

I don't know how.

Let me find out.

Let me go.

Open the doors,

Open the windows

Let light in

And let me out.

Let me pass out into the light

To worlds that have

Yet to be born.

The blood in my heart burns

It burns with the same fire

that created me.

Let me create.

Close Call...Phew!!

Its been a while now. Since the calls stopped coming. Precisely two days. I have waited every call with an expectant almost pregnant impulse within my heart. No, I know there is nothing to be worried about. Its just that I have never been in such a state. Ever before.OH shit!! This is why I never blog during the day. I just burnt my lunch. God, when will I marry. I need someone to really help me out with things like these. But then, if a girlfriend is willing to move in with me, its heaven! No, Wait. I think I’ll have to get a place of my own first. Yeah, that’d be better. Where was I? Before my aloos were fried deeper than deep fried? Yeah, the calls. I have a cell phone. But it’s useless. It never seems to be the appropriate receiving instrument for such a call. Its far too trivial a mechanism. It does not provide you with the formality for such an occasion. Imagine, you call somebody about a date. You never know where she/he is. For all that you think, she/he might be out snogging your best friend. Sorry, I have this bad habit of getting carried away. It has been nerve wracking for me. I am under tremendous pressure. It started with a casual question. Always the casual question. So deceptive in its appearance. On the back bench, with the silence of an empty classroom and in the company of friendly strangers. It always happens like that. What was that question?? Oh, it was of the deadliest sort...

“Do you like me?”

Now this is a very ordinary sentence structure. Sorry, not even a sentence ( I am a literature student, for chrissakes!!! ) the tone is simple and casual. But the occasion always highly formal. What do you say when a girl you know you like, asks you such a question? Ask any boy, he won’t know the answer.. I swear to god, he won’t. You say,’ I like you’ – The predicative being ‘LIKE’. It puts your relationship under question. You just like ‘like’ me. No, I meant I really like you. Ooookk.. That long Ok is a sign of a lot of things. You try not answering and you’ll be nagged for the rest of your life. It’s always so with girls. They ask for the truth, but they want to hear something else. You never know what they want to hear, unless you spoke the truth. And after doing that, the conversation gets unpleasant. Trust me.

Speak a word about love, and you are a ‘ladies man’. You know to answer things, don’t you? Smooth talker. Casanova. What the F… You asked a question. Do you or do you not want the answer. Why can’t you take words for the literal value of it? No, it has to be emotive. It has to come from the heart. Oh yeah!! How’d you know where it came from. The tone says it all. Perfect. If you know all these things, how come you don’t help me out in intonation studies in grammar?? Forget it.. I don’t remember it. Ok.Ok. I have had this conversation before. So I know how it goes. But the constant repetition of the question baffles me. What importance does this question hold in women’s life?

What’d I answer? I knew you would love to ask that.I mean, seriously, who can hold his horses when the narrator is speaking of his suffering. People love to hear that. They’ll go ‘ Aw man, Tough luck! Fat chance! Bad one! Deep shit!” but they’ll be thinking “Wait till I get this story around”. At least somebody else’s foolishness gets their idiocy out of the spotlight. At least it is like this in colleges. But then, I’ve had my share of infamy. So, I might as well tell you. I spoke the truth. As plainly as I could.

“Shit!!! How time flies.. Sorry, have a lecture to catch. See you”

Let Me BE!

Why should you teach me

What you know?

Let me learn

What i do not know.

Let me wander unhindered

through unknown lands

and nameless oceans

Walk with me to the distant port

from where ships depart.

Let me go.

Let me fly past the skies

Blue skies that hide

the stars during the day.

Let me spread my wings and soar

Right up to the sun

Don't tell me about the sun.

Let me feel it.

If I burn, let me.

I want to feel the wind

Free,and Careless

As it blows through empty deserts

and the icy arctic.

I want to taste smell

to smell colour and

see emotions.

I don't know how.

Let me find out.

Let me go.

Open the doors,

Open the windows

Let light in

And let me out.

Let me pass out into the light

To worlds that have

Yet to be born.

The blood in my heart burns

It burns with the same fire

that created me.

Let me create.

The Mystery

She looked at me
With eyes still and deep
Like waters that ran
In distant and ancient
Pools in faraway islands,
They misted and swirled
Shrouding her pretty face
In broad daylight.
The sun warmed up to her
As she flitted between
Thought and action,
There was a question
Waiting behind the mist
That parted through her lips
"Will you kiss me?",she asked
"Yes." I smiled.
And i bent towards her
My head slanted in the light
Inching towards her
Quivering lips.
"No", she said
And walked away.

The problems of a non conformist

This is a world of rules. Rules you and me have to follow, regardless of our likes or dislikes of them. My dad brought me up on this motto, or at least tried to. He considers himself a failure at the job. I do not know why, I still am a rule follower. I might skip and skim over a few here and there, but most of the time I stand steadfast to my rules. Well, rule. There is only one rule: There are no rules.

I have always hated the thought of being guided to somewhere or something. I am not a very smart guy, but if you are told this is it and this is how you do it, there is nothing exciting in doing it. I’d like to fall and bruise myself before getting it done. Call me a fool, but that is my sense of adventure. These ideas and their likes have led me to be labeled an idiot, the most consummate one at that. WTF! Wasn’t this what they call freedom?

I am a complicated guy, with problems bigger than anybody else. From my childhood till today, I’ve tried to understand with open mind this world that I’ve grown up in. Seriously, I’ve done that. And I am nowhere closer to knowing. It is all a huge paradox. They tell you to do something and then do something else. Hear this: My parents, like all parents, stressed on me the importance of telling the truth. SO in keeping with the rule, I walked up to an old aunt of my dad and asked her when she was leaving for her heavenly abode. Well, forgive me if my 3rd standard education had not given me a good grasp of civilized language. My parents gave me a smacking, and I never cared for TRUTH since then. Similarly, that time when my teacher was speaking a grammatically wrong sentence. My correction had given me a ‘stand up on the bench’ for acting smart.

What is normal? Somebody please explain. Is there some kind of standardized way of behaving in society? And who sets the rules? And why are they to be followed? Gimme a reason why I should not grow my hair long. All right, forget that. Give me a reason to give up on a career aim of being a journalist? No, bad pay and risks do not count. I know I was born in a middle class family; you don’t have to remind me of that. I know my dad is growing older by the day. Yes, I have to take up responsibilities being the only son. Let me do it my way. Don’t tell me this is how you should do it and how you must do it. I hate that. If you wanted obedient, servile and quick results producing beings; get a robot.

Sorry, if I sound self obsessed. I try not to be, but that is difficult in a world that asks you to focus on the ‘self’.

A problem of being born in an orthodox south Indian Brahmin family is that you have ‘standards’ that you have to follow. At least for the sake of ‘society’. Just because a few unknown people will walk up to you at the temple and spot the bearded me next to you, I am not going to shave. I’ll shave when I like. Ask them to change perspectives or walk away. If your relatives are going to be bothered by the cross hanging around my neck, don’t invite me. I am not going to change because you want to. I am not going to get better marks because your relatives get gold medals in their examinations. I do not want to run this rat race.

The scale of my problems has just grown after my teenage. Maybe I am growing old, or maybe I don’t wanna grow. I don’t know which one it is. Sometimes I just feel like getting on a bike and just go. Go far, far and far away. Where the streets have no name.

Then there comes a voice that says, you can’t possibly do that…you do love me don’t you? Girls are much worse than the whole world put together. They want you to be around them. You hang around your friends, they’ll complain. You hang around alone, they’ll crib. You wear a shirt you like; they’ll turn up their noses like they just smelt ammonia. If you are polite and humorous; you are a flirt. IF you ignore them, you are haughty; a snob. You might tell them your problems, but then you are a whiner, or gay. To hell with them. On the other hand, without them sounds better.

Somehow, the source of the problem seems above man. He cannot create such great and ordered chaos. It has to be the work of the creator. He must have got bored with his magnificent work and introduced all these small imperfections to make it interesting. And man following him, must have made all these laws. Like Al pacino says in ‘The Devil’s Advocate’ :

“# Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off. He's a tight-ass. He's a sadist. He's an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.”

So I’ll leave it to him to fix it.Till then, the rebellion shall continue.

I Was Born Naked

I was born naked

On a warm April afternoon

I fought my way through

A dark, watery womb that

Trapped my unconscious body

Which, upon its waking, found

Its prison excruciatingly painful

And broke those walls on its

Way to freedom.

I was born naked.

In the midst of civilization

They clothed me in culture,

Fed me language, taught me religion,

And covered me in race,

Till could not see beyond

What I had learnt.

I was born naked.

And taught to be ashamed of it.

I became someone I never knew

To please someone I knew.

I slept at nights to forget

The days I lived.

I was born naked.

And will die just so

As naked as you,

When you walk through the gates

Of heaven or hell.

For the Truth is naked.

And so is God.

At a devi temple

She stared at me with wide open eyes
The fire burning before her
Within which charred remains of a darkened world
Destroyed,Being Created?
The reverberations that echoed
through my mortal remains
Coursing through my veins
Finally breaking its silence
On my tongue.....

The mother watched,
As I spoke
the first word.

neknurD meoP

Image via Wikipedia

Images swim past delirious eyes

Moving,even when the sight is still

Through steady landscapes of green

That bob up and down when seen

The eye struggles to keep straight

Heady fumes that rise high

And white to a filled head

Filling it with no stranger sights

Than it might know when sober

Ideas float in,and float by through

Corridors of unconscious conscience

Where trains of thought keep passing

Endlessly to unknown destinations

In the landless nation of imagination

And the I,sleeps amongst boughs

Of green vines where Bacchus ages

His wines, tempered by the heat

And chilled by the cold of an

Unsteady , passionate heart that

Cannot decide its intentions best

Between what is and what is not

And considers the contrary to be,

To fly up to heavens where it can

Scarce attempt to be.

The flight is fanciful, and then

Comes the fall.

A Reverie

Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. --------- John Donne

I slept that night,
In peace as white
As the sheet drawn
Over my head.
I dared not breathe
to disturb the winds
That passed
through my lungs

As sky breathed
so slow,so low

And the earth opened
Her green heart
to cradle me
In a loving embrace
Where time stopped
and fear died,forever
It died with my heart
that had stopped
Its nervous pitterpatter
and was still,
As still as the colour black
And yet,i moved.

I rose up through the wind,
parting the dark skies
and walked past stars that shined on;
They did not mind a stranger.
They knew as i came
I shall be gone.

I rose as far as my mind could go
Till i reached a point where
light no longer passed
through my eyes
Nor did the wind blow
Where everything was
As white as the snow
and as cold.

I smelt every sound
and heard every colour
and tasted every emotion
that I could feel
And i felt nothing
and learnt nothing.

I turned back through the gates
And fell with a star
fiery and fast
I fell forever
and reached the pathways of man
Again

Awake, arise, or be forever fallen! ----------- John Milton

Impatience

Khamosh raat

Sehmi hawa

I stand beneath the entrance.The huge facade sprawls over me,its paint chipped and dusty near the top.The watchman smiles at me and asks,"konasaathi thaambla aahes?"I nod and walk to the seating space.He knows me for the last 3 years.Every single one of my graduation years.I sit down on the pavement and continue waiting.A lot of known faces walk out from their lectures,as braindead as they went in.They walk up to me,talking.They blab about what happened and what did not.They talk about movies,girls,cricket and the obvious boy talk.I listen silently, uninterested in any of their conversations.They are not the purpose of my wait.They know it and joke around.

Tanha Tanha

Dil apna

The sun goes up into the sky,grinning as brightly as it could.The cold id dying slowly,as slowly as it could.I look around at students busily immersed in pursuing careers.The sounds are beginning to grow louder.Of friends joking,of silent love screaming at the top of its lungsto be heard.And yet it dies out before anybody can hear it.The birds fly around their houses,disturbed at this intrusion into their peace.I wait,still.Sitting as a statue,dusty and forgotten.On the street pavement,except the cup of tea in my hand gives me away.One that my profs did notice.They come up to me and speak.I listen as they go on about my talent and laziness.I am a combination of potential and arrogance.How strange,that these characteristics often go hand in hand.I ask them about my projects.It has finally been accepted.I smile.They walk away with a grin hiding behind their their thin,cold lips. I take my place.A book would have been good to read.It is hard to keep speaking to oneself for a long time.

Aur door kahin

Roshan hua

Ek chehra

The wind changes directions.It cajoles me with its slow pats on my cheeks.Ruslting up leaves on its path,playing around with them.Like a sister trying to cheer up her little brother.I bid it leave.The place is desolate and growing silent.The pangs of hunger have eked the strength out of young hearts.They will soon have to learn how to deal with it.I am starving too.I wait for hope.And she arrived.Walking down the stairs almost reluctantly,looking around for a familiar face.I watched as her feet nimbly skipped stairs making her hair bounce on her shoulders.I stood up and waved.

She walked over and said “ Ready to go?’

“I always was”.

Yeh sach hai ya sapna

Musings

Under a fading light
That bent in a slant
As it entered empty halls
I walked the road with her
'Do me a favour', said she
'Say not a word'.
And so i spoke in silence
And listened
As she spoke in the voices of angels
That were long lost in the skies,
now black as her eyes;
No,her hair,her long black tresses
That flowed down her back
In wayward curls,
Curls that flowed back and forth
In the wind
Like the ebbing sea.
She parted her lips
But no sound came out
The wind carried her voice
Far away from me into the deep woods
where a black myna sang
her praise.
An hour past,or was it a day
when she stood up silently
And went her way.
As the night gathered its followers
and rented the air with hollow chants
I walked away
My back towards her way
No voice called,nor a step heard.

A spirited respite

The sun shrinks slowly behind the tree on the college campus.It is a burning afternoon and i,once again,am in a poetic mood.It is not unusual.Though the fact that I am not entirely in my senses is.The images of people swim before my eyes,as the wind feels like water.....

We walked in pretty high already in the morning.It was my friend's birthday.So we stray dogs knew that someone was gonna feed us today.That is one thing about staying in the college the whole day.Make sure you have somebody to feed you.After all,you can't pay for everything everyday.Infact,we never pay for anything anyday....Good thing,I study in a gujju majority college...MAy they prosper and progress.

The plan was decided.NObody tells me anything these days.We were gonna fill it up and go bottoms up.My friends were a little free-spirited considering that they had just made presentations of their projects(the work on which i had done).Christmas was on the way,and New Year waits impatiently.I,on the other hand,was pending for both my projects.My profs were getting crankier by the day,and girlfriends bossier.

"You better meet me in the Library by 12 today,H".MY professor.A short,stocky,grey haired lady frowned at me.She was one of those who remind you of somebody in your family.I nodded solemnly.Langston Hughes.A poet,I've never read.And that is my project.Forget the other one where I've a choice between scriptwriting and copywriting.Somebody tell me how they do any of these....

I walked down to our regular meeting place.A bench opposite to the cricket ground,right where a lot of girls walk past to the canteen.The plan was announced in a very cheery fashion.I was dazed.Apologies and rejections never matter when you are in a minority of 1 to 6.I was half dragged to the place.TO save my remaining integrity,which was soon to be lost,i walked in to the ninth circle of hell.

The glasses were plain,simple,and tall.I watched as the beer fizzed up to the brim.I faked a cheer.And then after the first glass,there was none....I meant the hesitation.We soon were singing 'Yeh dosti" and "Happy Birthday to you" in chorus at Royal Albert Hall,London.

The watchmen spied me suspiciously as i walked past them.My pant was a little lower than usual.I was quieter as i missed more than a couple of hellos and hi's..I walked right to our seat.The revolutions of planet earth made themselves clear to me..I had reached a point where as Yeats said "Language ceases to be the mode of expression for your emotions"...It was half past eleven.And i did not even know it for sure.

The loo felt as warm as the quilt on a wintry night.I sighed and pissed with a sense of relief.The five cups of coffee were working,or at least i hoped they were."This is the limit ,H",she screamed.The fist of bangles shook as it hit the table.I barfed.I could see blood rise to the excesively powdered face.I stayed as calm as i could."You are going into the library right now,and getting as much work as possible done.You have a week to submit your projects"..."And get a hold of yourself"..I staggered out of the cabin.Steady,H,eaaasy now...

The library was a respite.I propped up my book and went to sleep.Langston hughes be damned by milton.I love Wordsworth....

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Of War and Peace

Freedom!! A word so casually used nowadays....The price of which is far too great for one who has lost it. Which leads us to the question, who owns it today? Is there any man out there in this forlorn planet who can claim himself to be free? We are all bound by something. Ideas, Customs, Prejudices or Passion. But most of us can proclaim ourselves to be free. At least act on our own will....in some place we can call our own. Our homes, for instance.

Friends and allies, I send you this SOS today to announce that my turf has been invaded upon with no logical reason. I am under siege in my own house. This happened exactly 45 days ago.Seems like such a long time now…..

HE was..is a Software Engineer from Bengaluru(where else).He came to my house as he had nowhere else to go to in Mumbai.How does he know me? He is the friend of the son of an uncle whom I have’nt seen in 15 years. H wanted a place to stay in for 3 days before his company allotted him a place. That sounded okay.Yeah…whats wrong with helping out a guy in need.But I knew better. I read history ,Dude!! Foreign guests coming over for a friendly trade staying over for ages ,sounds familiar???

When the week ended, I asked dad if the ‘guest’ had found a place to stay.Dad frowned at me.Labelled me unsocial,hostile freak.First blood drawn.I can take that from my dad,been doing it for 21 years now.I don’t mind if somebody shows me in bad light to my parents,does’nt take too much effort to do that.But I hate it when I am asked to act as a chauffeur to people my age.I hate that!!Why on earth would a 25 year old along with a couple of his friends need a chauffeur for??? HE can’t move around a city on his own??

You know what I hate about guests? No.I can tolerate their habits,their needs and requests.What pisses me off is their judgements,and the fear of the hosts about their judgements.Since the arrival of this visitor,my parents have me on barracks restrictions. No littering,no eating junk food,no late night tv,no surfing on the net after 11,no calling over my friends and the worst of all…Visit the temple every Saturday.Why? Because HE does!!!!

I hve always been the ‘other’ I my own house.So what if I am the rightful heir of my father’s property.He is a good boy,because he has a job,a salary of 30ks and never speaks against my parents.He goes to the temple,follows rituals and has friends who do the same(so he says)…I asked him as I was chauffering him past the Marine Drive ( 2 weeks before 26/11). “Want a ciggie?”. “No,I do not smoke.Bad for the lungs.”…a few minutes later again “ What do you plan to do on New year’s Eve? Hang out with your friends at a pub? Load on a few pegs more than usual?”..”No.I do not drink.Bad for the liver.”

I thought for a while and muttered to myself. ” I bet you do not think either.Bad for the brain…son of a *$#@X!!!!!”

Its been 45 days…I have waited patiently this long,for nature to take its own course.I mean no ill to this man,but he has intruded on my territory so long,that it feels alien to me.He sits on my computer whenever he wants,watches his programs on MY Television, He has lived after he told me arts is a very easy course to take.For fools and philosophers.That was the most pathetically rude jke I’ve ever heard.If he is still alive,its because I am a believer in the kinder nature of human character.But that was that!!!

I stand upon the threshold of a war beginning…upon invasion of privacy.The time has come when a man’s gotta do what he gotta do.I have been oppressed,humiliated,enslaved.

Gone is a time when I would have asked him to know his limits. That has passed with the last bend on the road.Now I want him outta here.POORNA SWARAJYA!!! And I swear upon Lucifer, I’ll see it happen.

A Revelation

The flame rises
Past dark corridors and black ceilings
To skies unknown
The smoke moans out of windows
To be carried
On the backs of a raging storm
Across a lulled sea
The gulls fight over their fish
cawing and clawing
As the rest of the fish watch from the bottom.
The clouds hide the red sky
While the sanguine sun sinks itself .
Its bloody robes leaving a mark on the background
A lone eye loiters
Intently capturing the moment
Till the portrait becomes a part of it
A tear rolls out
Out of its fortress,stubbornly it takes form
White,spotless,pure
Every atom of its existence carrying a pain
Deep,obtuse and hidden
The pain struggles to be contained
And rushes past
Careful hands that seek to hold it
Crashing to earth
And shattering to a million fragments
Each a million more
Emitting a radiance so bright
That cannot be seen
Unless a million more eyes wake
And take in that sight
Of an immortal struggle of light against darkness
Till the sea itself washed ashore
And took with it every light that eye could discern
And the world was dark
Dark beyond darkness
A darkness that neither sound nor light could pierce
And out of that darkness
Rose a flame,its yellow tongues licking the pitch black air
Till the air caught fire
And every being was enveloped in it
The fire was all
The universe was in it
And the eye that held it,saw everything.
The vision saw what it created
And created anew as it saw.